Happy Marriage Week! Yeah, really! If you are like me, you might not have been aware that there even was such a thing. It began last Friday and goes through St. Valentine’s Day. The idea seems to have been to promote this venerable human institution of commitment and family values. If you go to the website you will find that it claims no religious basis. It has many tips about maintaining a healthy marriage.
Alas, I was thinking: how far we fallen as a society that we even have to have something called marriage week. Not, of course, that I don’t value marriage. My wife and I will celebrate our 30th anniversary this summer. I believe we have had a wonderful three decades together. I am reasonably sure that my wife would say the same. At least she would on most days. (Please check with me first if you want to call to ask her.)
The sad truth is that today’s society values marriage less and less. We celebrate “weeks” or “months” for one cause or another but usually because something is wrong.
I’m sure that some will tell me that I just got lucky in finding the right partner for life. For others, I will be lectured at, it just doesn’t work out that way. Live and learn and change your partners when it suits. Believe me, I know about marriage breakup. I come from a broken home. I saw first-hand what it did to my parents and what it did to my siblings — and to me. And as property managers for 30 years, my wife and I have had thousands of tenants. We have seen every day the struggles that are created from broken families. In fact, we have often been the “first” third person to know when a marriage breaks up, as one is usually looking for a place to stay.
Not every marriage will work. Not every couple will be willing to do what it takes to make it work. Too often, it is one spouse who doesn’t make the required effort. Sometimes there are good reasons to separate. I would only say that it should be a last resort, not a bailout at the first sign of troubled waters. I remember a young man I had working on a job a while back telling me he just got married. About six months later, out on another job, he tells me he was getting a divorce. His wife left him because it wasn’t as much fun as she thought it was going to be.
Society has changed. When my parents separated, there was only one other kid in my class that was living in a single-parent home. Today, more than 60 percent of the kids that enter kindergarten will come from a single-parent household.
Society is not receiving any positive help from the government when it comes to marriage either. The recent “fiscal cliff” legislation could easily been called the “discouragement of marriage act.” Citizens continue to be punished for being married. Under current tax laws, it is better to be two high-wage earners cohabiting than to be a legally recognized married couple. Their penalty for daring to be married: significantly higher taxes.
It is easy to say we live in a “to each his own” age. No doubt people want to be free to do whatever they want. But that’s just the problem. Doing whatever you want and each looking to his or her own interests is the opposite of marriage. When people get tired of the breakdowns and the breakups, perhaps they will be willing to reconsider marriage for life. It has, after all, been one of the most successful institutions in human history. It has also been the surest way to responsibly and lovingly raise children. I guess I’ll end by saying again: Happy Marriage Week! But those of you in the know will know that is not the happiness of a mere week, but the happiness of an entire lifetime.
Jon Edney is a former El Centro city councilman.
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