Life Out Here: The pinkos are stealing our thunder

We in the tea party movement are outraged at the series of un-American actions during the past week in Madison, Wis.

How dare these people, these teachers, government workers and fellow travelers, take to the streets to protest in an American city? “This is not Cairo, Tangiers or Manama,” we in the tea party movement want to scream at these creeps. This is the upper Midwest in America, where the only thing that usually fires up the people is when kielbasa prices go up.

How dare these weirdos and wackos protest and march so soon after Scott Walker was elected governor of Wisconsin? The man only has been in office for a month and a half and hasn’t even had a chance to implement his policies, yet the forces of the left are already screaming about what he wants to do. We in the tea party movement waited less time before we got things rolling in our movement, but we had to get things moving faster because we were dealing with Obama, not Scott Walker, who is a real and patriotic American.

How dare these communists, socialists and anarchists in Wisconsin defy a duly-elected governor and state legislature? These radicals are trying to shut down legitimate government functions with the ruckus and obstacles they are creating, and we in the tea party movement insist that such tumult can’t be tolerated unless it is orchestrated by Dick Armey.


How dare these losers and reprobates insist that the people of Wisconsin did not know what they were getting when they elected these great Americans to run their state? If they didn’t know the intent was to attack all public employees’ unions in the state, including the teachers’ union, and wrestle away collective bargaining rights from public employees, then they just weren’t paying attention to where we in the tea party movement stand.

How dare the undemocratic Democrat legislators in Wisconsin leave the state to prevent a quorum and thereby stop votes on matters brought forth by the majority? When we are in the minority, we in the tea party movement use the filibuster and other slick legislative machinations to prevent measures we don’t like from being voted on. We don’t leave the state.

How dare these pinkos and freaks use photos and references to Hitler and Mussolini when they protest what Walker and the Republicans in the legislature are doing to Wisconsin? We in the tea party movement used photos and references to Hitler and Mussolini (and monkeys, too) when referring to Obama and the other side, but our uses of such words and images were wholly accurate and legitimate.

How dare the national media give such widespread attention to tens of thousands of people going out in the freezing weather to protest what they see as political abuse in their state? We in the tea party movement received almost no national press coverage … plus we were smart enough to save the outdoor protests for the warmer weather.

How dare these lefties and sissies say this is just the start, that a pro-worker, pro-union movement will spread all around the nation, maybe moving next to Illinois or Ohio and shortly thereafter to our own California? We in the tea party movement would say while we abhor violence — unless it involves death threats, spitting on people or throwing bricks through windows of Congress members — that if the lefty protesters act up, our governors must be quick to mobilize their National Guard units and do whatever … and we do mean whatever … needs to be done to restore order, whether in Madison, Wis., or the National Mall in Washington, D.C.

We in the tea party movement believe protest and demonstration simply should not be tolerated in this country, unless, of course, we are the ones protesting.

Bret Kofford teaches writing and communication at San Diego State University-Imperial Valley campus. He can be reached at Kofford@roadrunner.com