LOST IN MIDLIFE: Having skin in the game

Dear Company that makes all my skincare products,

I’m writing to tell you that I am a BIG fan of your products. They work wonderfully and I’m truly thrilled that you have products that meet all my needs -- moisturizer, sun protection, hair care and deodorant. I also like the way everything is in similar-sized tubes, so it all looks nice when arranged on my vanity. My husband, of course, thinks I’m nuts for wanting all my products to line up nicely, but this is coming from a guy who squeezes his toothpaste from the middle, so I wouldn’t put much stock in his opinions.

Anyway, there is one thing I would like to ask your help on. While it certainly looks nice to have all the tubes the same size, it can make for an unplanned and unwelcome skincare experience.

For instance, this morning I went to use my moisturizer, and I grabbed the wrong tube. Without realizing it, I squeezed the contents of the tube into my hands and then slathered deodorant all over my face. Of course, it’s nice to know that I won’t have a smelly face, but it really wasn’t the outcome I was hoping for. It was also nice to know that my face would stay dry all day, although, unfortunately, it dried white and now I look like a mime.

The bigger issue, though, was that this mistake then created a domino effect where I put my sun protection under my arms, moisturizer in my hair, and haircare product all over my body to add volume and bounce to the hair on my arms and my legs. Yes, I know all these products have a different consistency, and I should have noticed that, but I was busy watching my husband squeeze the life out of his toothpaste, so I was distracted.

I actually thought the sun protection under my arms was not a terrible thing, as long as I wore a tank top and had my arms raised over my head any time I was outside in the sun. But the moisturizer made my hair flat and greasy which is really a good look for a serial killer, but not so much for me. And, of course, my body was so slick from the haircare product that when I tried to put on my jeans, they stuck to me and now I’m pretty sure I will be buried in them when I die because they are never coming off.

Which leads us to my question. I would like to request that you change the sizes of these tubes, so no one else ever suffers the experience of looking like a serial killer mime wearing slick jeans and a tank top, who at least, will not have a smelly face.

—Most sincerely, Tracy Beckerman


You can follow Tracy on Twitter @TracyBeckerman and become a fan on Facebook at www.facebook.com/LostinSuburbiaFanPage.

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